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Upgrade Time: How To Get A Life

Updated: Mar 8, 2023

How I evolved myself and got a life, you can too. May seem harsh but many people lack a true personal life as their definition revolves around family, close friends, or a significant other; however, this is not what a personal life is. Having your own hobbies, pursuing your deep passions, and expanding your mind are all examples of personal opportunities that prompt growth.

When I was in middle school my older sister played high school volleyball and was a natural Libero (a crucial position on the team). Since I looked up to her and hadn't tried pursuing any other sports I was interested in, I also started playing volleyball as a Libero. Although I ended up loving volleyball, I had a strong swing and wish I had tried switching my position to hitting or even dabbled in other sports.

Growing up, it is easy and normal to have similar interests to your peers or friends you look up to; however, many of us never grow out of this and explore what we truly want. This ultimately stops personal growth and fulfillment. Therefore, as our lives continue to change and we get older each year, our mind stays stagnate.

Years ago, I had a rude awakening that made me ask myself difficult yet necessary questions (who am I, what do I want, what are my priorities, what are my standards for myself and others). After what led me to reinvent myself, I feel obligated to help others do the same.

Tip #1 - Stop Lying To Yourself

Many of us have a dishonest relationship with ourselves as we continuously make promises we don't keep. Going to bed every night after you didn't work out, ate shit, and forgot that going on TikTok for five hours a day makes you feel like a failure. These self-created trust issues not only make you less confident externally but also less reliable internally. It is easy to get defensive or come up with excuses, but in this case, being the bigger person with yourself is necessary.

Taking a step back throughout the day and listening to your conscious mind over your subconscious is crucial! I will describe what I mean using an example: A few days ago I was having a rough day, I was feeling sad and bored while I procrastinated from doing homework or anything remotely productive. I walked into the kitchen to see what I could eat while I watched an episode of Good Mythical Morning. I grabbed a pint of ice cream and sat at the table. Before I even got a chance to get a spoon, I heard myself say 1. you're not hungry, you're bored 2. ice cream will make you feel worse not better 3. sugar makes you break out. I grabbed the pint and stuck it back in the freezer and walked away.

The thoughts that reminded me why eating ice cream would only create 'problems' came from my conscious, whereas the impulse to grab the ice cream in the first place was subconscious. Indulging in negative habits and breaking our personal promises only hardwire these habits subconsciously making it more difficult to consciously change, although it's what we truly want. To learn more about how to rewrite your subconscious read my blog post Rewiring the Subconscious: Relearn and Relive

Take away: Listen to the positive inner voice. Not the negative urges.

Tip #2 - Refocus Your Energy

Nowadays it is very easy to feel unmotivated, depleted, and tired. Social media continues to become more addictive and problematic, the food that gives us nutrients and energy is more expensive and inconvenient, and the modern lifestyle consists of serious pressures and lacks the simplicity we crave. Although it is fully valid and understandable why we feel these negative emotions, this does not mean we should continue to repeat this exhausting cycle, you deserve better.

Many negative yet common experiences are preventable, starting with your environment. Humans are extremely adaptable and influential which is why your environment is so important. These traits can be positive if you are surrounded by support and understanding; however, the influence of an environment filled with judgment and selfishness will be harmful. As a result of both situations, you will become a reflection of your environment, and/or you will learn more about your own needs based on what you don't or do appreciate in your environment.

I would like you to reflect on things that take up a lot of your energy. What are three things that come to mind? Now I want you to determine whether or not these things fill your cup. After you finish or leave these things, how do you feel? Do you feel fulfilled? Do they promote positive growth? Many of us give our precious free time to draining 'friends'/family/significant others, scrolling on socials, or watching garbage TV. Instead, create boundaries and standards in your social life, use social media to learn and find knowledgeable individuals, and watch TV that is interesting and inspiring.

Take away: You don't have to disconnect to feel and see change, you just have to prioritize expansion instead of stagnation in your daily life, in other words, reevaluate your priorities/indulgences to what benefits you.

Tip #3 - Question Yourself

The truth is it is a lot easier to not ask yourself difficult questions, work through trauma, or allow yourself to feel uncomfortable emotions. Although nothing is forcing you to do this work, it is crucial you be this force yourself.

I want to address the effects of suppressing emotions or traumas. When emotions are suppressed, the body's stress response is activated, leading to increased levels of stress hormones such as cortisol. Over time, this can lead to chronic stress, which leads to a range of health problems. Suppressed emotions can also manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension. These symptoms can become chronic if the emotions are not addressed.

Emotional suppression also makes it difficult to connect with yourself or others in forming meaningful relationships. Emotions are an important part of communication and connection, and when suppressed, it can be hard to express oneself authentically or understand the emotions of others. Acknowledging that emotional neglect deeply affects self-awareness allows you to see that working through traumas, no matter how long it has been or insignificant you may think it was, is necessary in order to be fulfilled internally and stop projecting externally.

This inner 'work' can be demanding and confusing as the answers, solutions, or closure will go at their own speed. The brain's natural response to trauma is to protect itself by numbing emotions or suppressing memories. This can make it challenging to fully process and heal from the trauma alone, which is why I feel therapy is a great resource. While doing self-reflection and healing work, you are trying to be both the therapist and the victim, trying to balance your logical perspective and your emotional perspective. Having a professional therapist allows you fully express and release your emotional burden while receiving guidance.

"Can you accept the notion that once you change your internal state, you don't need the external world to provide you with a reason to feel joy, gratitude, appreciation, or any other elevated emotion?" – Joe Dispenza

Take away: Reflecting on your past, present, and what you want in your future is key. Once you shine a light into the shadows, you have a new perspective on the environment around you, your inner world.

Tip #4 - You Should Be Busy

Off the bat I want to clarify, no, I don't mean busy as in working all day long then coming home having to do relentless chores or going to school then blowing off your social life to do homework till 2 am then doing it all over and over and over. Although this is the more 'normal' lifestyle, this is not healthy or valuable. When I say you should be busy, I mean you're time should be precious because you spend it doing what you love.

Having your own hobbies and prioritizing your personal interests/passions not only adds to your life but also adds to the lives of those around you. Becoming more knowledgeable, adopting new skills, and thriving alone are attractive assets that also amplify self-confidence. If you spend most of your days giving to other people, attaching yourself to situations, and spending hours on pointless 'entertainment' that you don't even remember, you need to get a life. Constantly giving you energy happens when you allow your energy to be taken on someone/something else's terms.

Reflect on your current situation. How much are you doing for yourself? How many thoughts are about what other people are doing? Do I live more in my head than out in the world? These questions, if you are honest, tell you a lot about where, what, or who is taking your energy and in what ways you deprive yourself of energy. The truth is nobody and no situation that is worthy of your energy would make you feel drained because something worthy causes you to receive as you give, constantly filling your cup when you pour some out.

A personal example of this occurs in my ceramics class. Somedays I get frustrated from having a hard time throwing (making) a piece or impatient at the drying process of another piece. On other days I just spend an hour making a bowl and accidentally knock it just as I was taking it off the wheel. If ceramics/pottery wasn't worthy of my energy, I would go home feeling completely upset and over time would stop looking forward to the art at all. However, this is not the case. Even when I break a piece or get a piece from the kiln that looks nothing like what I wanted, I am still so excited about every other step of the process. Everything else overpowers any lack that I feel doing it. Check out or purchase my work by clicking here:)

Take away: Stop giving to places in which you don't receive. Start putting yourself in the position to be fulfilled and remove yourself from what exhausts you. Prioritize your time and energy.

Tip #5 - Take Care Of Yourself

This is basic but we still overlook it each day that goes by. Since I'm sure you know what I mean when I say this I'm just going to jot down some reminders to hopefully inspire you to truly take care of yourself.

-Don't live to eat, eat to live. A great way to do this is to start home cooking.

-Get a planner, after all, you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals and dreams, simply by writing them down daily.

-Start stretching, you'll thank me when you're 80.

-Keep your environment organized, an organized space prompts an organized mind.

-Motivate those around you to grow as well, this helps everyone including you. If those around you don't allow or encourage you to grow then you need to distance yourself from them.

-Practice gratitude. Read more about the importance of this and beneficial habits by reading my blog post The Power of Gratitude.

I recommend coming up with some reminders or changes you want to make on your own. Everyone has experienced different things, therefore, these reminders may be more or less important to you and they will apply differently to your life based on what you've been through.

Prove Me Right

I hope you take my advice on how to change your life or create a new one. I can guarantee that if you apply these tips you will have better physical health and mental health, improved productivity and self-esteem, as well as an overall more valuable and fulfilling life.

Let me know what you thought of this read by writing a comment below.

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